Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Randomize
