Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
