I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
sex in a hospital.. check
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
