im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
