Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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