My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
