my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
