I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
