Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
