Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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