:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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