Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
