There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
