I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
