she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's never too late to be topless.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
