Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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