I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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