omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
