He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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