My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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