I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
