i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
