chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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