Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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