i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This house was built for laser tag.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
