So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
