I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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