apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
