i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
they need to just BURY HIM!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
