I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
