Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I FOUND THE LEGS
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
