You just made me feel so damn special
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
