i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
