Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
