he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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