i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
