This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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