I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
