everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
