What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
