I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
