I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
