he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
