I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
