My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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