At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
