So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
