So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
