i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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