It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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