just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
